Ahh it’s good to be back. I have been attendant at my sister’s wedding where I have been eating lots of things like this:

Anyway, the grand event was at Woburn where there is a safari park. I  love animals so I had to have a gander, despite my latent fears of monkeys defecating all over my car.

I was glad I went because  there were lots of great animals. For example:

Look at those crazy bastard horns. Generally the animals looked a hell of a lot happier than in zoos. It may seem obvious to say so. But they really looked like they were having a nice holiday in the sunny English pastures. Fuck knows what they must have thought of the irregular and weird stream of metal boxes snaking through their lives.

I also saw another of my favourite things: a grotesque / abstruse / rude sign. This one was fantastically lurid. And in the lion enclosure as I am sure you could imagine.

I like:

a. the comedy arm

b. the gnarly teeth

c. the health and safety regulation blood, printed in red, not black, for extra effect

d. the pathetic car contrasting with gnarly lion and said gnarly teeth

Although I think I got the message, I have to admit that at first I though it was telling motorists not to offer the animals shitty necklaces. And surely if a lion went for your hand it would eat the whole thing, not just let a little blood.

The sign was clearly a load of bollocks though. When we saw a pride lying in the sun it was clear they would not hurt a fly:. Aaaaahh.