My local acupuncturist reckons he can cure baldness with some needles.

I am sure they got the promotional picture from a wigmaker’s catalogue.

I tried acupuncture once for a bad back. Needles felt funny. The electricity they put through them felt funnier. The cupping (suckering cups on to your back using the vacuum from a match) felt a bit silly. Back felt just the same.

The kicker to acupuncture is the medicine. They give you a brown paper bag filled with assorted herbs and bits and bobs which you are meant to boil and steep and then drink. To anyone who has not had the pleasure, you can make your own brew by visiting your local park, grabbing a couple of handfuls leaves and crap from under a bush and boiling it in water. The flavour is fantastically nasty.

Mm, not quite what my back was in need of. I’ll take a good old-fashioned punch in the kidneys every time.