Check out this dude I saw on the tube the other day:

I deduced that he is about to play the role of King Henry VIII in a play or on the telly or something from the following observations:

• He looks like Henry VIII
• He was reading a book about Henry VIII
• He looks like an actor – he was wearing combats and white trainers, despite being clearly over 80.

A smoker was going on at me yesterday about how he was sick of all these self-righteous ex-smokers going on about how bad a habit it is. Also that it was his human-right to do whatever he wanted to himself, and that by smoking he was standing up “for political incorrectness” and “for personal freedom.” He forgot to add “for paying corporations and governments £6 a pop for a pack of finger-licking cancer up one’s arse.” The black-lunged tart.

I was sitting in a steamy perfumed dungeon in Mayfair yesterday evening, covered in four different types of mud, waiting for a tropical rain shower to start when I had a horrible realization: I am not actually working class!

I see Boris Johnson is traveling by tube everywhere. I suppose that’s better than the last twat who went around everywhere in the chauffeured car whilst explaining to Londoners that the tube runs perfectly and that “cars are not necessary in London.” If Boris reckons he’s a man of the people then he can come and deal with the woman who keeps leaving her poos in crisp packets in Hammersmith station.